1. |
||||
|
this is my apology
I haunted your house.
I hung on the banister,
hazy and half-silent.
the presence you sensed in
your hallways was me.
the wind that wrapped
your throat was me. but you were
unhappy in that armchair,
slacks slung over the back.
no clinging belt to kiss your fat.
you were sweating with desire.
the ring burned your body and I
thought you were alone-
no, that was me
when she clung to the crib
waiting for the photographer
to capture her.
tiny specks of light and airbrush
snuck in each camera
snap, snap snapped
your back and cracked me,
I stole your pants.
eyes emerging from the
water weight,
I saw myself alive
again.
the familiar fabric
of your pants-pocket
housed riches.
I used your money
to buy cheap rings.
convincing bits of gold and silver
could crowd my hands.
you know how some rings are-
they squeeze the flesh.
my fingernails are angry,
they scratch the surface
of nice men's thighs
and leave light red traces.
where we peeled our skin.
but it was good
to feel my own flesh again.
it was good to feel my own flesh again.
it was good to feel my own flesh again.
|
||||
2. |
||||
|
among the whispers and the wax-piss;
among the great leaves of the Northern
knights, I am crawling, ephemerally,
eternally, I never learned to walk.
do not ask me to lift a lightning bolt
of leg, keys jangling like a foam chain-
don't ask for my breath.
I lost it long ago, among the gentle
gusts of gods-gone-wrong, among
the children laughing at my ugly,
with the habits, horrors,
and the general anxiety.
I don't know.
it isn't something I can just
tell you about.
there was no start and finish to it.
do not ask for the growling valleys,
the wallpaper's shell, the
wheat-like consistency,
the golden shits I took and the tears
I built an orchard with for you.
this is not pathetic.
this is a reckoning for
radical change.
|
||||
3. |
||||
|
waiting for the experimenter,
a glorious, glowing blood-hound hobbles
down the street. his simple breathing
looks like smiles. how should I know
what to do when I remember
what this is?
that shining paradox that
removes our birth-names,
turns us on our heads like
monkey-bar hangers.
oh, they make the truth look so ominous;
none of us want to stop
and pet it like a passing puppy-dog.
has the experiment already started?
have they been watching me
read poetry under my breath
like ordered blessings?
wondering where I came from
with my flaming head?
how much longer must I wait
til I see flamingos necking,
just to tease me for my
ill intentions, for the heart
I did not know was
due south, for the elephants
wading by water troughs,
feeling wise?
|
||||
4. |
||||
|
sometimes I feel entrapped in my eyes, lying down in bed,
I feel like I'm in a case pushing at the lid.
if you think about working while it wanes and waiting while it waxes
you feel less uptight and tied up bout your time and tits and taxes.
talent isn't valiant, it's a touch you get to know
like pinky pricking on a thorn.
sometimes I feel like I am the worst, why do I have to feel so bad?
the disappearing act isn't a love you carry in your heart, but in your head
love takes control of itself, the chair falls
they plan their escape.
|
||||
5. |
||||
|
my bubble blown all out the trampoline
and he lets me jump into his arms, oh
I love that boy, oh yeah because he is there for me.
and my dog is so soft under my hand,
I wanna pet him and then I look up brand names.
because my arms aren't in my body these days
my arms make me feel like I've gone crazy, oh
but you know, my dog's ear is here to stay.
|
||||
6. |
giant looming shadows
02:18
|
|||
|
among the sunken concrete, encaved
as an eye-socket, among the
giant looming shadows of my
accent, I am crawling,
ephemerally, eternally,
questioning self-pity and pride,
questioning anything made of words.
don't teach me how to walk, don't!
I never asked for privacy.
I lost it, no,
released it, into the galloping lake
gaping open like a desperate mouth, like
my desperate mouth, like my
desperate.
my excrement
is as gorgeous
as a storm.
I'm praying for you with my laughter;
my palms wonder if you
will even kneel.
do you think walls between stalls
make us any less close?
giant
looming
shadows!
giant looming shadows!
do not ask for my breath.
I lost it long ago.
it's not like I planned it all out.
I became comfortable with the vast
not-knowingness of it all, some devil's
constant doubt of my powers,
the lack!
|
||||
7. |
||||
|
the breeze blows through my blouse
like a lustful apparition.
i am haunting my own house
excavating cold cognition
I was two heirloom tomatoes
and a pair of earring hoops
screaming over damp potatoes
and the sinsemilla soups
the cat was quick to quiver
she was strung out on fresh air.
and the bed-sheet seemed to shiver
though I was not passing there
for a dinner decked in death
every hallway fills with breath.
|
||||
8. |
it would be a lot easier
00:46
|
|||
|
and I said, take me down
where the leaves are growing,
where the leaves are showing me where to go.
|
||||
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